and I feel like I am becoming who I was always meant to be.
Three years ago, my life changed. I left a long term relationship twelve years, to be exact. Twelve years of my life spent and gone. When I think back on those days in Palm Springs back to the transition of love to loss, especially the last days in the little studio apartment we had shared, I remember feeling incredibly alone… but also strangely free. It was during that time that I wrote a song. The words flowed straight from my heart into my mind and onto the pages of a notebook I had bought to start journaling in.
Why did I ever stop? Why did I give up on my God-given gift for poetry and song? The truth is, I can’t even say when or how it happened. Somewhere along the way, it just did. Now it feels like I’m trying to reclaim the life I should have been living all along, the life where I live confidently in the truth that I am an artist. I was always afraid to call myself that. But today I can say it out loud… I am no longer that scared little girl.
I am a woman now. A woman who has lived, who died, and who has been born again into a new life that she chooses to claim for herself. I would be lying if I said I’m not terrified of choosing the life of an artist. I know how painful that path can be. But the truth is, it can’t possibly be more painful than an unfulfilled relationship, the loss of identity, and the regret of all the years I spent dreaming of creating instead of doing the damn thing.
Nothing could hurt more than that. The fear of vulnerability no longer outweighs the fear of living a lie. A life unfulfilled is no life at all. So the journey begins pen and paper, words and a dream. This time, I will fall back in love with the art of writing, and I will never fall out of love with it again.
Your life’s work can never betray you. It moves you forward closer to the things that were always meant for you.